Day: 4
Today's Weight: 244.8 lb
Yesterday's Weight: 245.4 lbs
Weight lost: 0.6 lbs
Total Weight Lost: 3.6 lbs
| Food | Time | Calories |
| | 9:00 AM | 55 cal |
| 1/2 tbs flaxseed | | 25 cal |
| | | 50 cal |
| | ||
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Total: 130 calories (Super low but in fairness, I'm really sick and slept all day ;(
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| Exercise | Area of Focus | How long? |
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...My Motivators... {All I want, is to be happy.}
...My Demotivators... {Eating pizza last night made me feel SO horrible about myself I tried to throw it up.. and I tried to push Akram away... Feeling so depressed all the time... My entire night being ruined by eating badly...}
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I binged yesterday. Like, really binged. Three slices of pizza and a whole pint of ice cream. I just didn't care. But I did. I felt so horrible about binging, the only thought swirling in my head was "Purge it, purge it, purge it." So I took off my contacts and took off my shirt and knelt by the toilet and purged a little. Just a little -- b efore I realized what I was doing. And then instead of remnants of food I should'nt have ate, tears splashed into the watery toilet, and I just knelt there and cried at what I had become in such a short time. .
I lost the .4 I was desperate for. I get to check off a new goal on my progress chart. Today is a new day. I will cherish the fact that I have been given a second chance, and that today is brand new and I get to start all over. This blog is helping hold my frail sanity in tact while I spiral down into what I ironically believe will be the first healthy obsession of my life... I would rather be obsessed and depressed over how I am eating than obsessed and depressed about my loneliness and failed love life. This feels good. This feels right. It's me and only me and I can take care of myself and make myself better and beautiful without anyone else...
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